Inhale, Exhale

As of this writing, I haven't posted about tarot on Instagram sine April 18th. I haven't posted on Instagram about anything since April 23rd. In this time, I haven't really even looked at Instagram, or any tarot related blogs, books, or YouTube channels. I also haven't even touched a deck of cards. Not even playing cards.

The first week, I didn't really notice. I had just gotten back from a brutal work trip. I felt like crap after a week of event food, no sleep, and lots of stress. At home, I was busy unpacking, sleeping, and cuddling my puppy. I had more work to to when I got home, and a lot of reports that were due. The second week, I started feeling a bit better physically. I started doing yoga again. I upped by veggies and fruits. I bought a blender and made smoothies and hummus. But I still hadn't touched my tarot cards. And I didn't really miss them.

Cue my freak out. What if I'm not good at tarot? What if I've fallen out of love with it? Where these two years of INTENSE study a waste of time? Will I ever be a good enough reader to fund my habit of new decks through my readings? What about this blog? OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE????????

And then, I remembered this comic from The Oatmeal. In it, he talks about creativity, and how it's like breathing. Every time I put anything out into the world, it's an exhale. With tarot, especially on my Instagram, I've been exhaling for almost two years. Recently, by adding the #Taromer tag, the Message Monday, and Tarot Thursday Three, I've been exhaling harder than lately, and it basically caused a creative asthma attack. I had to shut down, because I was gasping for creative breath and getting nowhere.

This feeling is more than a case of writer's block. It's more than being uninspired. It's a fundamental lack of having anything left in your soul to be creative with. No amount of pushing through, or doing writing exercises, or any other "way to get rid of writers' block" will help. The only thing that does help is inhaling.

What does inhaling look like? It's looks very different for everyone. For me, it really meant getting myself out of the spiritual, mental world I had been so steeped in for the past two years and finding the physical world again. I found Buti yoga classes online, which worked out my whole body in a way different from all my other yoga experiences. I started walking my dog more, instead of letting him out in the yard or letting my sisters take him on solo walks. I re-read fantasy books that I loved as a kid. I watched the Harry Potter movies and knit. I watched an embarrassing amount of Doctor Phil clips on YouTube. Slowly, I found things that fed my soul in a different way than tarot. Even writing this blog post is a different experience for me than my writing about tarot.

As I slowly refill my lungs, I find myself faced with a new question. Will I always be "creatively asthmatic" like this? Will I always throw myself into the deep end, only to burn out a few years or months later? The answer? Probably. My personality type lends itself to this kind of thing. I start projects, leave them half finished, and get around to them later. I have a half finished knit blanket, a half finished sewing project, and about a million writing projects sitting around. Oh, and let's not forget my Year and A Day that I've done about a week on.

So, how can I build a creative business or accomplish my dream of writing a book or anything else if this is my pattern? Part of the answer is to embrace my personality type. By having a couple of projects in different mediums all going at once, I can spread out my interests to avoid the intense burn out. This is like taking mini breaths, instead of one long exhale.

The other part of this that is important is to embrace this inhale and exhale as part of the creative process. Like anything else, being a creative person doesn't happen in a vacuum, and it doesn't happen all at once. Every time I exhale, I build up my lungs. I get a bit better at managing my time, and putting out the best quality of product I can. Each time I go through this cycle, I can exhale a little bit longer and harder. I'll find new projects that excite me, and I'll find new ways to recharge.

If you are struggling with a creative slump, realize that you are not alone. This is part of the process, and everyone goes through it. Finding the ways that recharge your creative spirit is one of the hardest, yet probably most rewarding thing you can do as a creative person. We don't want to admit that we're out of breath, that we need the break. But, by taking those breaks, we can come back recharged and more creative than ever.

Lots of love and luck on your journey!